Today is Valentine's Day. I think this is my 7th or 8th Valentine's Day with my wonderful husband... honey, you can let me know which one it is when you read this. I love you so very much and thank God for you every single day. You are so supportive, kind, loving, and sweet to me, even when I don't deserve it. I think you are an amazing husband, friend, and father. So sensitive to my needs and always there for me.
Please remember reading this when you get home and realize that all the chocolate-dipped strawberries have already been eaten.
love,
Wifey Devs
Monday, February 14, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Me Time
I would love some time for myself. Not to go to work or to get groceries or run errands or schedule people for work or to sleep. Not to clean the house, although God knows it needs it constantly. Time to do something on my own. Or with friends, I guess. Maybe to work out or go for a run, although I can only last about 20 minutes, and let's face it. I'm greedy. I want more than 20 minutes.
But it's hard, because I feel guilty for wanting and/or taking that time, if it were to magically happen some day. I don't know why- I realize that even moms are entitled to some time off. And right now I spend approximately 22 hours a day being a mom, on average. I don't know. I don't even know where I would go or what I would do. I guess I have time to figure it out because I don't know that it will happen anytime soon. Hasn't happened for weeks, at least not that I can recall.
But it's hard, because I feel guilty for wanting and/or taking that time, if it were to magically happen some day. I don't know why- I realize that even moms are entitled to some time off. And right now I spend approximately 22 hours a day being a mom, on average. I don't know. I don't even know where I would go or what I would do. I guess I have time to figure it out because I don't know that it will happen anytime soon. Hasn't happened for weeks, at least not that I can recall.
TGIF!
I am thankful it's Friday! This has been a hard week. Most of them over the past few months have resembled roller-coaster rides. For the record, I'm not a fan of roller coasters. I would prefer to float calmly down a serene stream. But that is not my life right now!
Yesterday I went to the breastfeeding support group at Pres. Partly because I've been battling a milk blister and was hoping for some advice, but mostly just to get out and be around other moms. I've been a couple times, but when Aaron was just a newborn. At yesterday's group, all the babies are getting so big! Lots of crawlers, and it made me realize that I need to get out more and be more involved with a couple mom's groups of which I am a part. Aaron was interested in, but also very overwhelmed by, all the babies there. He was the youngest of the bigger ones and is just now sitting up (but still tipsy-turvy). I want him to be sociable and happy and be exposed to other little ones out there.
Hopefully getting out more often will help clear the fog I've been in. I went for a run the other afternoon after a pretty rough (read: hellish) day and the run was just as lousy as the whole day. I was crying during most of it, which made me feel even MORE out of shape and I think I got more depressed realizing how out of shape I was. Just one more thing that I have been failing at and feeling guilty about. By the way, as an aside, I am not worrying about being grammatically correct in this blog, so deal with it. :) Back to running and rambling. At least I went out and did the run. And looking back after a couple days, it's motivating me to go out again today. But with some decent music on my iPod. And minus the crying.
Also going to go look at some townhomes today with my little A. I wish I could be more satisfied with where I'm at. I know a house is just a roof over my head, and it's our family that makes it a home. But it's also harder to be satisfied with that when I'm home all day. Every day. Trying to entertain a baby and two pesky pups. And keep my sanity. I like to think that if we were back up in the Heights, I could spend more time with friends up there, make it to my mom's bible study more easily, hang out with my dad. Who knows? We'll see. Joel and I have to find a happy medium with where we're at financially and not go for broke just for our living space. We want to be able to travel, visit his family (hopefully take an actual vacation as well, somewhere that we've never been- hint, hint, honey).
Okay, that's it for now. I'm praying that God will guide me, give me patience and hope, as I make it through these cold winter months with Him by my side. He's gotten me through these past few months, which have been so very hard, so I know He will continue to walk with me, and hopefully I will let Him lead. At least part of the way... ;)
Yesterday I went to the breastfeeding support group at Pres. Partly because I've been battling a milk blister and was hoping for some advice, but mostly just to get out and be around other moms. I've been a couple times, but when Aaron was just a newborn. At yesterday's group, all the babies are getting so big! Lots of crawlers, and it made me realize that I need to get out more and be more involved with a couple mom's groups of which I am a part. Aaron was interested in, but also very overwhelmed by, all the babies there. He was the youngest of the bigger ones and is just now sitting up (but still tipsy-turvy). I want him to be sociable and happy and be exposed to other little ones out there.
Hopefully getting out more often will help clear the fog I've been in. I went for a run the other afternoon after a pretty rough (read: hellish) day and the run was just as lousy as the whole day. I was crying during most of it, which made me feel even MORE out of shape and I think I got more depressed realizing how out of shape I was. Just one more thing that I have been failing at and feeling guilty about. By the way, as an aside, I am not worrying about being grammatically correct in this blog, so deal with it. :) Back to running and rambling. At least I went out and did the run. And looking back after a couple days, it's motivating me to go out again today. But with some decent music on my iPod. And minus the crying.
Also going to go look at some townhomes today with my little A. I wish I could be more satisfied with where I'm at. I know a house is just a roof over my head, and it's our family that makes it a home. But it's also harder to be satisfied with that when I'm home all day. Every day. Trying to entertain a baby and two pesky pups. And keep my sanity. I like to think that if we were back up in the Heights, I could spend more time with friends up there, make it to my mom's bible study more easily, hang out with my dad. Who knows? We'll see. Joel and I have to find a happy medium with where we're at financially and not go for broke just for our living space. We want to be able to travel, visit his family (hopefully take an actual vacation as well, somewhere that we've never been- hint, hint, honey).
Okay, that's it for now. I'm praying that God will guide me, give me patience and hope, as I make it through these cold winter months with Him by my side. He's gotten me through these past few months, which have been so very hard, so I know He will continue to walk with me, and hopefully I will let Him lead. At least part of the way... ;)
Monday, February 7, 2011
For the record...
I'm looking at my little, upside-down, rolly-poly Aaron-Roo, and I love him so much! Even after a rough night and the fact that I'm battling a clogged duct today, which is incredibly painful. He's playing with his feet and rolling this way and that and smiling at me (ok, starting to fuss now). But I just love him so!
I have to record these feelings sometimes, because the last 5.5 months have been overwhelmingly difficult, and while I know there have been so many great moments, the hard ones have been overshadowing the good ones a lot. I've been in a fog and continue to struggle with it. But this was a moment of sun streaming through the clouds, so I wanted to note it. :)
I have to record these feelings sometimes, because the last 5.5 months have been overwhelmingly difficult, and while I know there have been so many great moments, the hard ones have been overshadowing the good ones a lot. I've been in a fog and continue to struggle with it. But this was a moment of sun streaming through the clouds, so I wanted to note it. :)
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Situational Awareness
Our pastor, Bruce, used this term a couple weeks ago during his sermon. He talked about the flight where the pilots claimed to be in a heated discussion and lost "situational awareness", causing them to fly past their destination by like 600 miles. I think I lose situational awareness a lot in my faith. I get so distracted by everything (read: facebook and worthless time spent on the internet) and don't have the discipline to spend time in prayer and devotion to God. Sadly, a lot of times, I view activities that would strengthen my faith as I view exercise and eating right: good for me, make me overall a stronger and better person, but I just don't do it. Then I feel stuck in a cycle of not putting in the effort and feeling crappy because I don't.
While I need to start earlier, I will say that Lent tends to be a time when I make some changes. I just need to pray and keep the momentum going throughout the rest of the year. This year, I'm determined to give up facebook/social networking for Lent. Hopefully this will help me use my time more wisely, preferably to read Scripture, prayer journal, and catch up on my Beth Moore bible study that I'm "doing" with my mom's bible study group. This is going to be a tough sacrifice, but that's the whole point, right?
Discipline and distraction go hand in hand, I guess. I am a huge fan of gymnastics, and the main reason is that I really admire the amount of discipline those athletes (and other elite athletes as well) have, as well as mental discipline. When I get distracted by other things, I get lazy and lack discipline. A frustrating cycle, but I guess awareness is a large part of the battle.
On another note, I started work with a home health agency on Saturday. I like it so far. The hardest part is using a PDA/cell phone device to do all the documentation, but I already feel more confident for next week. Do I really like working part of (most of, this week) my Saturday? Not really, but it's helpful for us to have the extra money, and I get out of the house for awhile. And I gain OT experience, which I need since I've barely worked the past year, due to being pregnant and having Aaron. I have my other part-time position with UNM, which is around 1/2-1 hr. each weekday after Joel gets home. Honestly, I feel spread pretty thin and like I don't have much, if any, time for myself. The UNM position will likely end in May, so I just have to hold out a few more months. Learning how to balance being a mom, wife, and OT is so difficult. I certainly don't have it down, and I'm always exhausted, so I just keep praying that God will guide me, and I'll figure it out. Speaking of which, it's almost 8pm. I better go pump, and get myself to bed. Who knows what the night will bring--- certainly a couple of night wakings from my little guy.... that's a whole other post for another day.
While I need to start earlier, I will say that Lent tends to be a time when I make some changes. I just need to pray and keep the momentum going throughout the rest of the year. This year, I'm determined to give up facebook/social networking for Lent. Hopefully this will help me use my time more wisely, preferably to read Scripture, prayer journal, and catch up on my Beth Moore bible study that I'm "doing" with my mom's bible study group. This is going to be a tough sacrifice, but that's the whole point, right?
Discipline and distraction go hand in hand, I guess. I am a huge fan of gymnastics, and the main reason is that I really admire the amount of discipline those athletes (and other elite athletes as well) have, as well as mental discipline. When I get distracted by other things, I get lazy and lack discipline. A frustrating cycle, but I guess awareness is a large part of the battle.
On another note, I started work with a home health agency on Saturday. I like it so far. The hardest part is using a PDA/cell phone device to do all the documentation, but I already feel more confident for next week. Do I really like working part of (most of, this week) my Saturday? Not really, but it's helpful for us to have the extra money, and I get out of the house for awhile. And I gain OT experience, which I need since I've barely worked the past year, due to being pregnant and having Aaron. I have my other part-time position with UNM, which is around 1/2-1 hr. each weekday after Joel gets home. Honestly, I feel spread pretty thin and like I don't have much, if any, time for myself. The UNM position will likely end in May, so I just have to hold out a few more months. Learning how to balance being a mom, wife, and OT is so difficult. I certainly don't have it down, and I'm always exhausted, so I just keep praying that God will guide me, and I'll figure it out. Speaking of which, it's almost 8pm. I better go pump, and get myself to bed. Who knows what the night will bring--- certainly a couple of night wakings from my little guy.... that's a whole other post for another day.
Friday, February 4, 2011
A new start
I'm starting this blog mostly as a personal journal of all the thoughts that I have as I've started this new adventure of being a mother to my dear son, as I try to balance that new role with the other roles in my life: wife to a wonderfully supportive husband, occupational therapist, friend, family member.
The last few months have been almost surreal. They have been challenging beyond my imagination, rewarding, frustrating, the list goes on. Being a mother is my biggest dream come true, but it sure does look different in reality. That is why I'm starting this blog, to sort through the emotions and to be able to remember what I've gone through when I look back on it in the future.
Above all, I hope that this blog will help me in my walk with Christ, as a place for me to ask questions, discover some answers (I'm optimistic), pray, and give praise to my God. The Spirit has been tugging at my heart, and I need to take some action.
The last few months have been almost surreal. They have been challenging beyond my imagination, rewarding, frustrating, the list goes on. Being a mother is my biggest dream come true, but it sure does look different in reality. That is why I'm starting this blog, to sort through the emotions and to be able to remember what I've gone through when I look back on it in the future.
Above all, I hope that this blog will help me in my walk with Christ, as a place for me to ask questions, discover some answers (I'm optimistic), pray, and give praise to my God. The Spirit has been tugging at my heart, and I need to take some action.
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